If you haven’t heard, Earl Simmons aka DMX, was recently admitted to the hospital for a drug overdose. Reports as early as this post say he’s on life support with limited brain activity. His 15 children have flown to New York to be near him. Prayers up for DMX.
Recently, I was on a road trip with my friend, who is a HUGE DMX fan by the way. Like, she was playing and knew the words to songs that had not been played on the radio. She also knew a bit more about his story and shared it with me. Apparently, a mentor named Ready Ron, without his knowledge or consent, handed him a crack-laced blunt. Earl had never used drugs before that day. He was 14. His mentor, 30.
Drugs were never a problem, drugs were a symptom of a bigger problem. There were things I went through in my childhood where I just blocked it out.DMX, http://www.uproxx.com
DMX has rapped about the betrayal and in interviews as recently as November 2020, exclaimed how he still can’t imagine how an adult he respected and trusted could do that to a child. Ready Ron is a snake, yes, and should suffer street justice but I’m more concerned about Earl. It has been decades since the incident and when he narrates the story, it’s apparent that it’s difficult. He hesitates, chokes, up, and even cries.
Earl is enduring the pain as if it was yesterday.
I am not condemning or judging him for it. In fact, I get it. It’s taken me decades to come to terms with the betrayal and abuse in my own life. And that’s normal. As survivors, we tend to spend years attempting to justify the behavior of others and answer the neverending questions, “why me? What was it about me that made him/her want to hurt me?”
But those questions are rarely answered. And we must learn to accept that. It hurts, yes, but believing we caused what happened to us only leaves us trapped in the past, living as victims, and attempting to numb the pain with meaningless sex, drinking, and drugs.
If you’re seeking to get past what somebody has done to you, recognize them for the snake that they are and extend yourself grace by coming to terms with what transpired.
For Earl, he was a child and was deceived by a man old enough to be his father. Earl did nothing wrong. And nothing that occurred that night or in his childhood was his fault.
This is the grace I wish for DMX and it’s the same I was for you too.
I trust his story, however it may go, has the potential to help others throughout their own journey.